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Manchin’s COVID Coitus Cruise: Masks Worn, Social Distancing Discouraged
WASHINGTON D.C. — Senator Joe Manchin had a bipartisan sex romp on his houseboat on Saturday to commemorate not doing shit for people who...
Aug 3, 20212 min read
Jim Justice: “I’m going to publicly execute the Delta variant but first I have to piss and shit”
CHARLESTON — During a COVID-19 press conference on Wednesday, Governor Jim Justice outlined his execution strategy for the Delta Variant...
Jul 30, 20211 min read
Dakota Nelson Talks Policy: “i’m tryna fit right in the middle of your next gazzmm!”
CABELL — Former District 16 House of Delegates candidate, Dakota Nelson, talked policy on his OnlyFans page this week. “I don't wanna...
Jul 19, 20211 min read
Environmentalists Utilize New Technique to Prevent Mountaintop Removal
BOONE — Environmental activists have cleverly disguised selected Blue Ridge mountaintops as your racist uncle‘s buddy, and the Friends of...
Jul 15, 20211 min read
Joe Manchin Introduces New Pet X̵̬̯͖̂̆́̋ȇ̶̻̘̭̈́̽͜ḻ̵͉͐̏̽ę̴͙̪͓̇͘͝x̶͈̝̯̃̅̊͘n̸̫̫̩͐̓̔̄x̶̟̣̱̹͊ą̸̼̊͐̅́r̵
In response to Do It For Babydog, Senator Joe Manchin looks to win over constituents with his new "pet". Meet X̵̬̯͖̂̆́̋ȇ̶̻̘̭̈́̽͜ḻ̵͉͐̏̽e̴...
Jul 12, 20212 min read
Out of Ideas, Jim Justice Tells Out of Work Coal Miners to “Get a Hobby or Somethin’”
CHARLESTON — Jim Justice held a press conference to inspire out of work coal miners on Monday. Despite the fact that fracking only...
Jul 10, 20212 min read
Joe Manchin Gives Uplifting Commencement Speech, "You can be anything Republicans want you to be"
BETHANY — Senator Joe Manchin addressed the graduation class at Bethany College with a closed-door speech, sayin, “Look, you can be...
Jul 6, 20211 min read
Boone County Activist Erects Confederate Monument
MADISON — Local political activist and sculptor, Jeremy Bradshaw, has been painstakingly working on a marble statue of Robert C Byrd that...
Jun 29, 20212 min read
In Honor of Pride Month, John Mandt Jr. Resigns from Fatherhood
HUNTINGTON — “My words, actions, and overall shittiness have caused my children to have a difficult time when it comes to making...
Jun 22, 20212 min read
Rep. Alex Mooney Denies Allegations of Misusing Campaign Funds
CHARLES TOWN — “Yeah, I dropped a couple racks at Chick-Fil-A. Since when is that a fuckin’ crime?” West Virginia Congressman, Alex...
Jun 17, 20212 min read
Joe Manchin Filibusts in His Pants After Voting “No” to a Bill Literally Called “For the People”
CHARLESTON — Ramp reporters interviewed Senator Joe Manchin after he allegedly filibusted all in his jeans after casting a “nay” vote in...
Jun 8, 20211 min read
Bathroom Emergency: Sen. Joe Manchin Diarrheas Himself During Session
CHARLESTON — Senator Joe Manchin was seen scampering at the Capitol today, followed by the sounds and smells of squished smash. “I...
May 26, 20211 min read
WV Republicans Thrilled After CDC Announces End of Masked Man Dates
CHARLESTON — Many Republicans in the Mountain State are thrilled to hear that the CDC is no longer requiring masked man dates....
May 22, 20211 min read
Gov. Jim Justice Seen Coloring and Giggling
CHARLESTON — Governor Jim Justice was rightfully proud of his very good art, after being given one of those dope, Crayola 64-packs with...
May 20, 20211 min read
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