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Body Found with "App-uh-LATCH-uh" Carved Into Skin
ATHENS — A body was found just outside Pipestem State Park Monday evening. Completely multilated, the age, sex, and cause of death are...
Oct 20, 20212 min read


Shelem Holds #SugaWata Music Video Hostage
CHARLESTON – Local rising star and rapper, Shelem, released a disturbing hostage video on Twitter over the weekend indicating that the...
Oct 18, 20211 min read


Purdue Pharma’s Sackler Family Held Accountable for Heinous Crimes and Murders, Lol JK
CHARLESTON — The Sackler Family, owners of Purdue Pharma–who misled doctors, falsely marketed, and purposefully funneled a shit-load of...
Oct 16, 20211 min read


Jim Justice Presents The Ramp News with Pulitzer Prize
WOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO KNOW, WV — The Ramp was awarded the most prestigious award in journalism this week from THE Greenbrier East girls’...
Oct 10, 20212 min read


Gov. Jim Justice Trapped in Elevator, Not Satire, Just Hilarious
CHARLESTON — Big Coach Governor Jim Justice was trapped in an elevator in the governor’s mansion yesterday, and no, this is not a bit....
Oct 8, 20212 min read


Joe Manchin’s Relaxing Afternoon Nearly Ruined by Desperate Poor People
WASHINGTON D.C. — Desperate and poor protestors on kayaks paid America’s Sweetheart, Senator Joe Manchin, a visit yesterday while he was...
Oct 2, 20212 min read


Tyler Childers’ Coattails Long Enough for Entire Marshall Music Department
HUNTINGTON — Tyler Childers, local country music superstar, made it to the big time. Along for the ride was his band, The Food Stamps,...
Sep 30, 20211 min read


Tyler Childers' Massive Coattails Stretch to Red Rocks Amphitheatre, Colorado
MORRISON, COLORADO — Tune in tonight for Day 2 of Tyler Childers making the dreams of Marshall music majors come true. It is well known...
Sep 30, 20211 min read


Charleston Dirty Birds Found Dead in Coal Mine, Deemed Unsafe for Miners
CHARLESTON — The newly revealed Charleston Dirty Birds were found dead in a coal mine this morning. Official cause of death is Methane...
Sep 29, 20212 min read


Robert C. Byrd "too racist for Hell", Satan Says
HELL — Former Senator and super efficient and effective member of the Ku Klux Klan, Robert C. Byrd, was recently banished from The Shadow...
Sep 28, 20212 min read


BASE Jumpers Back Out of Bridge Day Event, Bridge Tournament to Be Held Instead
FAYETTE COUNTY — Bridge Day suffered a teeny tiny little set back this week after the literal only fucking reason anyone would go to the...
Sep 25, 20212 min read


Stoned Intern Misheard “Popeyes” for “Pot Eyes”, Causing Huntington Traffic Jam
HUNTINGTON – After a stoned social media intern misheard “Popeyes” instead of “Pot eyes” (a hopeful Huntington marijuana dispensary),...
Sep 21, 20212 min read


Thundering Herd Re-enact Opening Scene of “We Are Marshall” in Loss to East Carolina
Saturday night, East Carolina University pulled off an impressive upset against Marshall with 21 unanswered fourth quarter points. That's...
Sep 19, 20211 min read


Cut and Toned Doc Holliday Found in Frostop Basement Pedaling Bike that Powers Spinning Mug
The town of Huntington is still reeling after finding the former head football coach locked inside the basement of a signature burger...
Sep 18, 20212 min read


Suddenlink Subscriber Finds Out About 9/11 After Web Page Finally Fucking Loads
WIRT COUNTY — Local Suddenlink subscriber mourns the nation’s 2001 tragedy this week after the webpage finally fucking loads. West...
Sep 11, 20211 min read


Paula Jean Swearengin Arrested for Protesting Expensive Pho
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Author of the new cookbook, Appalachian Fares for the Poorest of Poor, was arrested at a Pho restaurant in our...
Sep 8, 20211 min read


Coach Huff Authorizes Brutal Attack on United States Navy
HUNTINGTON – The Marshall Thundering Herd organized a coordinated attack against the United States Navy. The Navy Midshipmen were...
Sep 6, 20211 min read


Jeffrey McClelland Breaks World Record by Drumming for Every Single Band at HMAF
HUNTINGTON – A successful Huntington Music & Arts Festival took place this weekend -- a showcase of local musicians, artists, and food....
Sep 5, 20211 min read


Huntington Pop Duo, Massing, Under Investigation for Tax Evasion
HUNTINGTON — Last night, an anonymous source told Ramp reporters that local pop boyband sensation, Massing, is under fire from the IRS...
Sep 4, 20211 min read


We Interviewed Barstool Marshall and It Kinda Just Sat There Because It's a Fucking Barstool
HUNTINGTON — We heard Barstool Marshall was dunking on small community colleges online, so we sent Ramp reporters out to get an exclusive...
Sep 3, 20212 min read
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